If you want a primer on the Ed Sheeran/Macklemore brouhaha, check out the annotated lyrics, below. “Don’t,” a song I really dig, is a confessional track allegedly about Sheeran’s short romance with fellow pop star Ellie Goulding.
TL;DR: Sheeran is yet another enormously wealthy public figure who capitulated to oligarch power, sure, but sleazy billionaire Robert Kraft is the real villain here.
Animation by Chunk.
From the September 25 episode of The Five 8.
In July, I went on tour.
The opening act was Macklemore.
I told him, “Please lay off antisemitic tropes,
Just pop some tags and make some jokes.”
But now he’s put my whole career on the line,
Cuz he won’t shut up about Palestine.
And there’s a time and a place, but this is my crowd.
They just want me to sing “Thinking Out Loud.”
We went on tour for weeks, Mack rapped and everyone laughed.
But then I got a call from Robert Kraft,
Who said to I had to make Macklemore disappear,
Cuz he was mean to Bibi and Ben Gvir,
And everybody left, and the audience jeered,
And now I’ve gone and fucked my whole career,
And I’m singing:
I don’t fuck with Bob Kraft,
The rub-and-tug king,
Gave Putin his ring,
Leon Black and Epstein, babe.
I don’t fuck with Bob Kraft.
His ass is so shady,
Likud and Tom Brady,
I don’t support him.
He’s not a Patriot.
All my friends quit in the middle of the tour,
Saying that’s what my “fuck-you money” is for.
Now I’m cryin’ on the Jumbo,
Lookin’ like Dumbo,
But I ain’t Dalton Trumbo. And, furthermore,
I’m not in the IDF.
The Gaza War? I hate it, too.
How come everyone left,
When all I wanna do is play “Shape of You?”
When will all the bad press stop?
All for the has-been who sings “Thrift Shop!”
I haven’t felt this much rejection
Since Ellie fucked the guy from One Direction.
But I’m begging you, as you boo me off the stage,
There’s a worthier target for your rage.
I don’t fuck with Bob Kraft,
The rub-and-tug king,
Gave Putin his ring,
Leon Black and Epstein, babe.
I don’t fuck with Bob Kraft.
His ass is so shady,
Likud and Tom Brady.
Fuck him.
He’s not a Patriot.
He’s not a Patriot.
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