I Disagree with my colleagues every day on Fox. Here’s what I’ve learned about winning the conversation.
It’s officially election season and with only about seven weeks to go, things are going a little haywire. It won’t be my first election at Fox News, and I’ll let you in on a secret: I’ve noticed that things get a little crazier on air as the weeks go on. Especially when the home team is down, oh, I don’t know, 49 points on the economy and can’t get out of the war it started. Some of my favorite recent conversations prove the point: Here’s me debating Abdul El-Sayed’s economic messaging with Jesse a few weeks ago… Whether Ken Paxton has any moral authority to talk about his faith… Trump’s nonexistent healthcare plan… And yes, even Trump’s insane threats to tear down the Kennedy Center. My goal is to bring your voice to the table. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your comments and support. Having said all that, I know what you might be asking yourselves: how does she get through those conversations? It’s a good question, and I’ve been thinking about that topic a lot over the last few years. How can I make a difference when I make my case on Fox? How can I stay compassionate when I’m speaking not just to my cohosts, but a large part of the audience, who have different views and values than mine? What do we have in common, and how can I use that to make inroads with people who think I’m the enemy? I thought about these questions enough that I started answering them – and much, much more – in a book called I Disagree: Winning Arguments Without Losing Friends. It’s out next week. It contains my best advice on the tough conversations throughout our lives. But this is MeidasTouch. You want to know how to win the political argument! I’ve got plenty of lessons on that, too. Here are a few of my favorites: 1. Speak with respect, facts and humanity In the book, I tell a story about a trans woman came up to me after seeing me speak after a political panel. She explained that she’s from Alabama and her Fox watching family no longer speaks to her. What she said really stood out to me: “If more people talked like you do, I might get my family back one day.” What mattered to her wasn’t the arguments that I’d made on transgender issues, but that I speak to conservatives with respect and represent our party with facts and humanity. People may be willing to hear something difficult, or maybe even something they strongly disagree with, when they believe the person saying it genuinely respects them. My most important job is to not necessarily change minds, but open them to an alternative point of view. 2. Come to the table with an open mind and fewer defenses Sometimes we dismiss opposing views before doing our homework. How many conversations don’t happen because people can’t move past the narratives they already believe? It’s fundamental to why liberals are against Trump, and why those who support Trump think liberals are bad-faith actors. Sometimes, conceding a point, or recognizing that the other side has a legitimate grievance, can open up a conversation that would otherwise go nowhere. Reevaluating our priors is painstaking work, but it’s worthwhile if you’re trying to get somewhere in a tough conversation. 3. Fact-check; don’t hector Fact-checking is okay. Hectoring isn’t. Trying to correct wrong information in an overly aggressive way can actually reinforce it. Some things you know, but opinions should be held more lightly. While you’re at it, pay attention to when your predictions are wrong. Were you missing key information? Were you overconfident? Were you letting your biases cloud your analysis? Being wrong is inevitable. Being repeatedly wrong in the same way is a choice. The best fighters constantly update their strategies based on new evidence. 4. Let people see how you think, not just what you think Say something real when you show up somewhere risky. On a podcast, or in front of any group you’re trying to persuade, audiences respond best to honesty, specificity, and proof you’re being genuine about fixing problems. Authenticity goes really, really far. There are plenty more tips and tricks in I Disagree that will hopefully help you build bravery for these tough table conversations. The facts are on our side – it’s time to use them! I Disagree is Jessica’s guide to staying true to our values, finding common ground, and communicating with confidence when engaging across political and social divides. It is available now at Barnes & Noble and all major booksellers.
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